Littlelittlebits

2009-08-19T23:12:00.016+08:00

Moved:
☁ ☁ ☁

A Note, To Self

2009-08-18T00:13:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really admire people,

People who take risks

People who commit to their passion

People who realize their dreams

Today I thought,

Its time to start living for myself,

Time to place priorities right

Today I thought,

About things I could do

But nothing comes

Today I continue hoping,

For an outburst of courage

For things to get better miraculously

Loser, much

Favourite Bolster

2009-08-14T00:33:00.002+08:00

insomnia

is quite a torture

Mr. Fredricksen

2009-08-10T23:07:00.005+08:00

♥

2009-08-05T21:55:00.008+08:00

We are walking down the street, holding hands. There's a playground at the end of the block and I run to the swings and climb on, and Henry takes the one next to me, facing the opposite direction, and we swing higher and higher, passing each other, sometimes in synch and sometimes streaming past each other so fast it seems like we're going to collide, and we laugh, and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment.

-The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Monday Morning

2009-08-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Felt nice waking up all energized after a good night's sleep,

Opening your eyes to what warms your heart and puts a wide smile across

2009-07-25T04:52:00.003+08:00

Times when, through little things,

You see the real truth of things.

I've never felt so lousy about myself before

I'm not trying to get anything out of this

But I hate keeping emotions to myself

Sometimes I got so much to tell

But I really don't know how

I really wish I could read minds

Truth is, I really grew to hate myself

Hate myself for the change,

Hate myself for my character,

Hate myself for who I am.

I hate changes

I desire perfection so bad,

I'd do everything to make things right

But I guess I'm always trying too hard

Maybe I'll end up taking this off, again.

Maybe I should stop expecting

I haven't felt this bad for so long

I really wish I was someone better

Expectations

2009-07-23T02:03:00.002+08:00

Confession

2009-07-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

I had a dream

It barely makes sense

But it scares me

Speaks The Mind

2009-07-15T15:43:00.002+08:00

I want to get out of school

I'm dying of being pissed off everyday

I hate how they like people to suck up to their bloody asses

I hate how they restrict your thoughts

I hate how they want us to go according to the rules

Walao eh I'm gonna pull out my hair soon

Maybe I should just quit school and waste my life away

Breathe Slow

2009-07-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, my priorities scares me.

Boom Boom Acka Lacka Boom

2009-07-11T14:28:00.004+08:00

Kite flying at marina barrage

Pork ribs at cafe cartel

Mango ice at ice monster

Lights festival at national museum

Late night visits to exhibitions

Starbucks to rest the tired legs

& a happy pig (:

Riot At Heart

2009-07-06T23:07:00.003+08:00

Ever had days you don't know how you feel?

Mailbox

2009-07-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

Inspiration In A Jar

2009-07-04T22:19:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was great

Watched Ice Age which is damn bloody cute

Animation movies ftw hahaha

Then was steamboat and K session at top one to celebrate Weiliang & Kevin's birthday

Great time laughing

Especially at Loewe's desperate list of songs

Reached home in the morning

& I slept more than half of the day

Now my work's left untouched

Oh yeah did I mention I cabbed to school the other day with 2 other random people?

Some girl at my bus stop approached me and asked if I wanted to share cab

And she didn't have small change so I paid first & she asked for my contact

Now she insists to meet me to return the 2bucks?

Hahaha funny people

Serious Shit

2009-06-30T23:56:00.007+08:00

WHY DO I HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH NOW?!?!

Blues

2009-06-28T21:35:00.003+08:00

I hate how time flies during the holidays

Can't believe 2 weeks just zoomed past like this...

Back to hell tomorrow

How uh why I hate school so much nowwwww

I thought I used to like doing what I was doing in school...

Okay I feel like shit now

I felt like shit the whole of today

Could have gone tanning with the rest

But I decided to be good and go for some family shit

Since I haven't been staying home much recently

BUT THEN.

I woke up just to find out its cancelled

Wtfffff

And so now I got school blues

Lesson at 9 is no fun

What a whiner

But stilllllll,

The best damn holiday eh? Hahaha

Now I keep checking my mailbox

Hoping that some mail will come telling me class cancelled tomorrow

Plasma in the Sky

2009-06-26T16:09:00.003+08:00

They say some stars take billions of years until their light can be seen on earth. By the time you make a wish on one, it's already dead. It's weird how people have such great appreciation for something that isn't even alive. We don't think dead flowers or bones in the ground are pretty. What makes stars so much different? they're just tiny pieces of plasma, but we make wishes on them. We make shapes out of them, and look to them for guidance in our future. We look to them for directions, we look to them for religion. When they aren't visible, we get lonely. We put all this hope and pressure into a single ball of plasma in the sky. When you're a star, it's kind of like playing god.

xx

Adaptation

2009-06-25T23:49:00.010+08:00

Hello you

Get Well Sooooooon

& We can have our satay 2pc chicken pizza youtiao chocolate and most importantly, Paaaaaaaaaaddlepop! (:

Goodbye Cheesecake

2009-06-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

I keep thinking that I smell of butter

Even after I bathe

Weird

Met Raymond in the morning

I overslept

But this pig overslept even longer hahaha

Went driving centre to register his stuff

Then was failed attempt in search of the baking shop so we decided to head back

His dad was like some pro so he drove us over instead lol

Anyway the process was fun

But the result was disappointing

Nobody dared to eat the supposed-to-be cheesecake except for we both (duh)

Couldn't even finish quarter of the thing and we had to dump it away

Saddddddz but ahwell we will succeed the next time! (I hope -.-)

Okay I was feeling damn full from the failed cheesecake

But I'm hungry again now and craving for some hot soup

I think I found joy in eating recently

Ahwell I'm hungry and sleepy but can't get to sleep cause I'm hungry zzz

Hopeful

2009-06-20T23:54:00.005+08:00

Okay I just realized I ate chicken for both meals today

Unfinished chicken rice in the morning and bloody spicy chicken for dinner

Again I realize I've been eating, buying, talking about food alot these days

This is badddddd

Anyway today, after i don't know how many years, was a day to Escape

They should seriously do something to the boring limited rides man

Like nothing changed since I visited in primary school?

Oh yeah I almost died on the pirate ship

What a torture...(owe me one uh hahaha)

Go kart just contributed to why I really shouldn't drive

The feeling when people overtake you is wtffffffmewantyoudieeee

So today I thought,

Whatever happened to my cousins?

We don't even see each other much anymore?

K this is quite sad

Magic healing plasters

Paddle Pop pop pop

2009-06-18T00:49:00.006+08:00

Feels great to be up early in the morning,

Having kaya toast and eggs with excessive soya sauce

Anyway the holidays are so damn short

I really wish its never gonna end

Life like this is the best I can ever ask for (:

-

2009-06-01T17:15:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could bother less about life,

Less persistent, less ambitious

My Unintended

2009-05-30T21:43:00.004+08:00

School's bad and very sickening

Very very bad block

School aside and the week was.. awesome

Tuesday was some retarded fieldtrip and Ikea meatballs plus icecream

Wednesday was not-so-surprising surprise hahaha

Thursday was dinner with family and delicious fruit tart

Yesterday was

10bucks ride on the flyer which was... Quite dumb

Dinner sheesha and midnight movie with the kampong kidz

Terminator was cool shitz

Slept the day away today

Feels damn shiok to be recharged

Anyway I really need to cut my very irritating hair after repeating this for months

Uphigh

2009-05-22T19:36:00.002+08:00

Like a wish, made over and over again

Fear

2009-05-19T02:37:00.003+08:00

I guess I really don't know how to handle changes

From Deep Down Beneath

2009-05-18T01:00:00.006+08:00

What they see, are often just the pretty side of things. They'd never know how it really is deep down under. All these times' been battle. I've never been quite sure for every step I take. Its like a tough struggle between the heart and the mind, and all these while I made myself look back only at the positive memory to reassure myself.

Somedays, I don't know how I should feel. A calm, peaceful uneventful day for the body means a busy, overworked day for the soul while a busy eventful day gives the brain a break from unnecessary processing.

Perfection, imperfection. Gives you expectations or sorts. Sometimes you get too used expecting something you wish for, you lose your grip in the midst. Sometimes, you don't even know what to expect, like a carton full of doubts. Do you sit on it and let it go, or do you take the effort to pour them away?

Fills Your Head

2009-05-17T18:27:00.003+08:00

Somedays, you have so much going through your mind, you don't know how to start with because they're too insignificant on its own

Gleeful

2009-05-15T22:55:00.004+08:00

Spent the day in the rain, hopping into puddles like dirty pigs

Bunny's Home

2009-05-14T22:21:00.005+08:00

Hi. Meet

Billy Boy with two unnecessary pink patches which everyone asks me why,

And Rabbits which the class conveniently associates me with for the whole time

Imagine life: Slamming the alarm off at 7 in the morning, tell yourself to wake up 5 mins later but its never the case cause you end up oversleeping. Get yourself outta bed and wash up, grab a drink and plant yourself infront of the desk for the entire day, and finally eating when you're hungry and dying.

So over the week I..

Slept for the littlest time

Broke the longest walking record

Grossed by the oiliest chicken

Laughed my heart out

Stressed the shit out of myself

Drank the largest amount of mango juice

Ate the most number of siewmais

Whined like some old whiny grandma

&THE.BLOCK.IS.FINALLY.OVER. FINALLY.

(not to mention the new block starts next monday...)

Bahhhh k time to go clean up the war of colourpencils watercolour wastepaper and brushes. Am very lazy.

You're My Sunshine

2009-05-10T23:57:00.002+08:00

Never thought there'll be this day

Never thought I could ever feel this way

Thankful

Grandeur

2009-05-07T20:00:00.006+08:00

Credits: nosundays

God damn inspiring.

Must do this one day

Must travel around

Must see such breath-taking scenes...

Now I can't wait to get my ass out of school,

Get some job

Earn,

Travel

I plan to set aside a couple of years for travelling

But I think I'll never earn enough till I retire?

Noooooooooooooooooooo

Maybe I should just be some photojournalist

Travel everywhere, see all the special things

Never quite possible though

Fed Up

2009-05-02T23:40:00.002+08:00

Some point in time, I feel so much like giving up and sleep the rest of my life away.

In The Eyes

2009-04-29T13:27:00.006+08:00

I can't get back to sleep after the call from school which bombed me with numbers right from the start. I huh-ed for at least 3 times and he had to keep repeating. Think he got quite irritated.

My head was dann heavy as if some pig sat on top of it -.-

So I woke up, hunted for food, signed in, checked the mail and guess what I saw...

For Rachel‏

From:	Yap Lixiang
Sent:	29 April 2009 12: 32PM

Thanks huh YapLixiang. Must be missing me too much in class right hahaha.

School's been very much a disaster. Every morning I'll drag myself to school, take the bloody packed-like-sardines bus, climb the freaking overhead bridge, get myself a cup of teh peng and stone in class. And imagine, this is only the second week..

Anyway yesterday's cocking in class with Lix, waffles with Raymond, and meeting up with Jo Yihao Yan for dinner at 85. Scary guys ate like monsters. Talked about the good'ol past and laughed our asses off. Really stupid how the past can get.

Feels like I haven't met Banana Ang and Mich the happy girl for damn long.

Okay, I better start cracking my already cracked brains now.

Complexity

2009-04-26T14:42:00.003+08:00

I stood still at the window, thoughts running through like subway trains. I thought, what if the wind grew so strong it turns into a tornado, uprooting trees, gorging cars and little children, and wrecking HDB blocks like Lego blocks? I thought, did some mighty genie or sorts cause the strong wind? Would it be that the genie grew angry that we humans are doing so much destruction to the Earth, that he decided to get rid of everything so that the human race would start building everything on Earth all over again?

Because there's only so much I can do

Need To Whine

2009-04-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

School is starting tomorrow after my VERY LONG 3 weeks holiday how brilliant.

I am very sick of school now and it feels like repeating year 1 all over again cept that its even worse how sucky.

Everything changed from lecturers to classes to classmates to not being in the same class as Lix for the entire sem. Entire lei.. How unlucky you tell me

Have to go for add/drop cause I got no bloody electives and school starts at 9am tomorrow...

Am.very.depressed.

I wish tomorrow never comes sighhhhhhh

Thankful

2009-04-17T20:02:00.004+08:00

You spend some days the simplest way,

picking up little details of routines,

and discover the joy, together.

Slumber Girlies

2009-04-14T22:22:00.003+08:00

Yesterday,

Started with Yan's place and getting surprised by Josh's presence with the disgusting grasshopper, and Josh's special way of hiding-in-the-cupboard and meet Ana.

Off to get stuffs for girly crafts, which turned out to be quite a pointless trip.

Trained to tamp specially for Lix's favourite strawberry shortcake and whipped cream, supposingly to be used for the surprise but hello girlies? Did we forget about the whipped cream?

Pasa malam in the evening for dinner with Raymond. Buy buy buy eat eat eat like monsters only hahaha.

And the failed attempt to walk back to Yan's place -.-

Watched Slumdog Millionare but I fell asleep (as usual) halfway lol. Ana brought in the cake at 12 and Happy 18th Birthday Lix the jiao~

Talked about the past, days in Damai, about people, major bitching, gossips, future life, kids, dream house, everything and anything before we all fell asleep.

Ana left for training the next day while Yan Lix and I decided to go K. We booked the same time as Mich Herng Jo and Sike the birthday boy coincidently so we ended up singing together. P-p-p-p-p-poker face~

The rest of them are movie-ing now, while I rot at home Zzz

Now I think about school, which is in 5days time and I am quite depressed.

I can't believe I'm gonna be a bloody year 2 student in a few days time holy shit

Hovering Bubble

2009-04-12T02:00:00.010+08:00

I guess my brain works differently. I see things negatively. I think of the most positive things in the most negative way. I need to break the wall I built around me. I need to learn to be more positive. I need to stop sinking into too much a paranoid. I really hate how I can't put the fear behind...

Today

2009-04-10T23:23:00.006+08:00

I need to grow more brains

Its at the north-east direction

*Thinks*
Oh that means its there la?
*Points direction*
See I know where la think I don't know

Eh no wrong, its at the north-south direction

*Thinks, north south east west*
So its there la?
*Points another direction*

*Silence*

Correct what...
North-east, south-east..
*Pause*
EH? WALAO
Where got north-south one?!
Trick me AGAIN
-.-

Happiest, luckiest pig

:D :D :D

Happy Pie

2009-04-08T23:49:00.004+08:00

Was lookbook-ing and I saw this bloody cute thing.

I realized I haven't been blogging about life. All my posts are random bullshit which obviously, are very much for self-entertaining purposes.

Wasted the whole of today rotting around the house

Facebook, stalking, selling journals, random researches, generation of ideas, collecting of inspiration, head shaking at gpa, frustration, tv-watching, digging out my ancient million years ago stuff such as neoprints and letters and laughing damn hard at myself

I.feel.very.much.like.a.fool.for.the.past.damnit

Alright I have to go hunt for money for tomorrow's shopping with Chingching and the luckiest bastard bye whoever that wasted your time reading this whole shit lol

Thoughts In Clouds

2009-04-05T20:42:00.005+08:00

Story Like This

2009-04-04T16:15:00.003+08:00

Untitled

2009-04-03T03:01:00.002+08:00

Joy.

Béatitude

2009-03-29T23:42:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'm being too much of a paranoid

Maybe I should snap out of my bubble

Maybe I'm missing out things that I shouldn't

Maybe I'm making up too much uncertainties

Maybe I'm just weird like this

Explorer Kids

2009-03-24T03:11:00.002+08:00

Today, I really felt like the stupidest and guiltiest shit I think I should kill myself.

Anyway, usual kampong kidz outing to explore a new kampong place at the lalang fields.

Nice place with ok-quite-nice-la-acceptable scenery.

Unsuccessful attempts of kite flying

Watch people fish

Entertainment by shouting across for echo

Retarded shit but well we're the kampong kidz, no?

Crazy idea of Chompchomp for dinner after that & going rounds on the bus

Okay this pretty much sums up the day

Hopping White

2009-03-22T21:38:00.003+08:00

Bad things just have a habit of crashing on me all at once

Speranza

2009-03-20T00:34:00.003+08:00

When it's half empty, I don't know what to expect from myself, anymore.

Agony

2009-03-16T20:50:00.003+08:00

Sucks to be home at such a time,
When the rest of them are off enjoying lives.
Swear I've never hated school this much, really.

I've never wanted to graduate this bad
No, not because I want to work and earn
But because I am bloody pissed with restrictions in school

I think I'm losing faith in this whole shit you call, passion.

Exhausted

2009-03-12T12:51:00.002+08:00

Hiaaaatus

Till the bloody school ends

An Eye For An Eye

2009-03-11T02:21:00.002+08:00

Fucking fucked up world with fucking fucked up asses

Starry Night

2009-03-06T23:38:00.002+08:00

The past few days had been a bundle of joy, with a whole bunch of kiddish kampong kids at the chalet.

Today's about the sea breeze, $1 cheapo ultraman survivor kite, a sky-ful of bright stars, and tripping people with the nylon string.

I guess this marks the end of late nights out, and the start of schoolwork

Shitty school and hopeless timetable damnit

Never Thought Of

2009-02-25T23:30:00.003+08:00

Today, I don't know why

I feel, exceptionally much

When We Die

2009-02-24T01:00:00.002+08:00

Suddenly came to my mind, something I've been wondering.

Years ago when I first read My Sister's Keeper,

I came across this part that captivated me, so much, that I read the book over and over again.

It says, how old will you be when you are in heaven?

Do you look like the age you die, or do you become older? Or younger?

If you stay your age when you're in heaven,

Do old grannies roam around, toothless and hunching?

Do you look the way you died?

If you died in a car accident, your limbs detached,

Would you limp around without a leg or eat without hands?

No wait, do you even eat in heaven?

If you were to look older when you're in heaven,

How would anyone else recognize you?

If you were to die at say, 20.

How would you even recognize yourself as someone in their 80s?

And when you die,

Do you stay in heaven forever?

Or do you stay there for lets say, 5 years before you get reincarnated?

If there isn't reincarnation,

We'll all just stay in heaven, forever?

If that's the case, I bet heaven would be exploding by now

When you're in heaven,

Do you reunite with your family?

Do you get to meet your grandparents that left this place before you?

If you don't reunite with your family,

You'll be staying in this apartment alone?

Or do you just roam around everyday?

Do we learn some new universal language in heaven?

If not, how we communicate with each other if I met someone from say, Africa?

Do we work in heaven?

Do we have some governing structure,

Like the president, chief, king, or anything?

Or the chefs, that cooks?

Then again, are there boundaries for heaven?

Maybe, these thoughts are too much for what my brain can take.

Nightmare

2009-02-22T23:58:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's a damn bad day

I think I ate too much cockles

So much for being greedy

Like, we went for dinner, and when I saw the sambal cockles on the menu, I happily announced that I'll just have cockles for dinner cause the other time we ordered, I eat afew and (unwillingly) gave up cause I just pulled out my tooth

Obviously, Rach being Rach, this time round, must eat until shiok, right?

So I happily gobbled down the whole plate. Satisfaction

And then when we reach home, I was happily playing spot the diff when I decided I need to puke

Felt as if my intestines went round my stomach and tightened the whole thing together

Anyway, I puked like nobody's business throughout the night & nobody's there to save me

The whole family's dead asleep and I didn't know how to make myself feel better except for making myself puke everything out -.-

Then, when I finally decided to put an end to everything, I went to bed

But I HAD THIS FUCKING HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE

I don't know why, I had this baby boy

I don't even know if its my baby wtf

So anyway, this babyboy, I know its a boy cause he's wrapped in blue towel like duh

The babyboy was lying on this bed thing you know, those in doctor's rooms for checkups

Then scene changed

Okay because I was bloody seh I couldn't remember parts of the dreams

I was boarding a bus, holding this icebox-like box with a handle

Inside its filled with ice, a card, and

THE BABY'S HEAD

HEAD ONLY. HEAD ONLY NO BODY WTF

Wasn't bloody or anything, the baby still smiling to me

I don't know why I am stupid enough in the dream not to realise anything wrong

And held on to the icebox-like thing for damn long

Till I got more and more weird stares from people

So I felt damn lost, and called someone but I forgot who

I think its my godma? I don't know so anyway, the person asked me to give the baby a funeral

Scene changed again

I alighted the bus and stood at the empty space

The whole ice-box thing disappeared

Cried like some bloody idiot

Then a bus came, I saw LIX coming down from the bus

I immediately ran to her and 'LIXXXXXXX!!' with a big hug

I told her about the head and she asked me where's the body

I said I don't know..

AND

WOKE

FROM

THE

HORRIBLE

NIGHTMARE

because I need to puke -.-

Damn fucking scary I swear

I couldn't get back to sleep after that

So I just kept staring into blank air till the next morning till I hear the gate open and I was damn happy

Cause I know its my mum collecting the newspapers

I felt as if I diminished into a kindergarden kid running to my mum to tell her about the nightmare -.-

But I always tell my mum my nightmares cause I remember when I was young she told me that if I have nightmare about something bad, I have to say it out so that the nightmare 'bursts'?

Hahahaha whatever.

Okay, I just found out I broke my toenail from the soccer just now. Amazing.

Life In The Shoes

2009-02-20T02:09:00.002+08:00

I've been seeing wuyanrong and michellelim alot these days

I think I see them every single day holy shit

These few days are like the self-proclaimed holidays

Spent all the days doing stupid things with the seemingly stupidest yet loveliest bunch of people

Anyway after the random episode of kite flying, follows the episode of Eddie's birthday celebration at some random fitness corner

Mich's Charlie is so damn bloody big that my balls shrunk when I saw him

So, bbq at some fitness corner near herng's place. Bad idea I suppose.

Some man (bo liao stomper I suppose) even stood infront of us and took photos of us bbqing wtf?

Remaining survivors went herng's place for movies after that

Some retarded porno movie -_-

Spot the diff is damn addictive I tell you hahaha

Been talking alot about life these days

Its scary how I don't see what's ahead of me like how the others do,

How I have this negative gut feeling of how things are gonna turn out

Big Bad World

2009-02-18T01:36:00.002+08:00

What, exactly, is the world coming to?

Anyway, kite flying was greaaaat today heehawwww

Adventures Of Two Lovable Idiots

2009-02-17T01:17:00.003+08:00

(if anyone even gets it hahaha)

BOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBORED
BOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBORED
BOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBOREDBORED

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breakeven

2009-02-16T01:57:00.003+08:00

If you ever ask why,

I'd say cause its not like any game you play

I don't know where this is leading me to

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me is always you
-Breakeven, The Script

Recycle Cycle Like Bicycle

2009-02-13T01:47:00.003+08:00

I'm sick of everything around me

Like I wake up, and repeat the same cycle, see the same things

I really really really can't stand such a life

This block's really bad because I only go to school once a week

I know it sounds crazy but trust me it bores the shit out of me

I haven't ate canteen's western for damn long now

I don't mind if there isn't work to do when theres no school but that's happy dreaming

I really wonder how the hell will life be like next time

Am I gonna worry every single day about submissions and chionging last min

Okay maybe I brought this upon myself because I don't start work early enough to finish on time

But I can only work with stress I think I know I am weird but I'm always damn inspired when deadline is near

I wish I can stop being so paranoid and wtf something's damn wrong with me but I couldn't tell what

I can't wait for Damai chalet because I need some excitement in life right now

Sometimes I find life so bloody meaningless no I'm not trying to be emo as in going to kill myself by eating pills or whatever stupidest thing in the world but because I REALLY CANNOT STAND LIFE THAT REPEATS LIKE A FUCKING CYCLE

I am getting damn freaked out when I hear that people already made plans for themselves to go internship and what not because I am still sit-back-relax-wait-and-see-how-ing

Actually fact's that I can never make it through the whole bloody song on my bloody blog

It just got to hit the wrong nerve I don't know why but its still the most played in my iTunes and pod

I have this damn urge to do something crazy but I'm still thinking of the thing

Anyway non-girly girls are we gonna have sleepover anytime soon?!

Actually sometimes I hope I don't even update my blog because most of the time its nothing pleasant

Okay now I dont know what to do again besides slapping myself awake

Brainworks

2009-02-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

I've been wondering, how does the brain work

What makes it able to remember things, what makes it able to think?

Maybe each of us had a brand new memory card installed when we were born,

and each day we key in, bit by bit

Then again, will there ever be times when your memory's full?

Or maybe, there's some auto-clear up function?

Are there different shelves,

That classifies different parts of our memory to different sections?

And when you are looking for a particular part of that memory,

The brain registers the keyword,

And the chunk of the memory goes through some complicating tubes

before it gets to you

I guess, in the repeated process of getting and returning the memory,

Parts of it gets lost,

Which explains why you lose memory of things gradually

I guess its time, I hit the delete button.

An Eye For An Eye

2009-02-04T02:48:00.004+08:00

"I suppose there's a part of your past that's haunting you?"

What

The

Fuck

Going

?!?!

I swear these few days, there's so much on my mind I can write you a dictionary if I were to list them down.

This is shit because,

I can't freakin get started on my work when its due on Friday

IamdeadIamdeadIamdeadddddddd

One Way Trip

2009-01-28T23:28:00.002+08:00

I'd do anything to make time go by slower, worries go away further

5 days zoomed past just like that,

I think time's really passing too fast for me to handle

These 5 days I had my mind shut out from everything

Life's great like this

Sleep eat shop massage and of course, happy family

I don't know is it just me or what

I feel happy as long as the family spends happy time together

I'll make sure I have a loving family in future

Filial kids and Sundays as family day

I hope my husband is someone who really love kids,

Someone who places family on top of everything

Happy dreaming

Kinda reluctant on the return, no not because of the shopping

But because coming home = throwing myself into the open arms of work and troubles

I don't know what's wrong, but this year, I felt really sad coming home

Why, now

Different,

Or illusion

Three & Die

Twenty Five

2009-01-19T12:15:00.004+08:00

Its not as if I have nothing to do, but I CAN'T GET STARTED ON MY WORK.

So I decided to do this since Alson tagged me on facebook

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

1.) I have multi-coloured braces because I am fickle-minded

2.) I think I am some ultimate stalker

3.) I can't stand girly girls especially bimbos

4.) I bring different toys to school everyday when I was a kid

5.) I used hide in the treehouse because I don't wanna go class

6.) I still watch Doraemon on TV

7.) I used to be in chinese dance but quit after..

8.) I found out I can't sit and reach my toes

9.) My sis and I look like photocopies when we were babies

10.) I think I miss the hardcore training in guides

11.) I haven't exercised any bit since I left sec school

12.) I've never played with Barbie Dolls before

13.) I want to drive a yellow mini cooper in future

14.) I really wish that my eyes miraculously grow bigger

15.) When I was young I used to cry when I miss my art lessons

17.) I wanted to try the machine used to paint the building that goes up and down

18.) I wonder how in the world people invent stuffs like cheese

19.) I'm completely dead when I sleep

20.) I (always) secretly wish I was taller with chopstick legs

21.) WHY IS THERE NO 16?

22.) I secretly talk to my toys when I can't sleep

23.) I want have a cosy little shop that sells handmade stuff

24.) I really really miss the car racing..

25.) There's a secret I have that no one knows, I get tempted at times to tell but always end up

stopping myself

Okay I just wasted my braincells

Time to go back to my bloody illustration zzzzzz

To A World Where Love's Enslaved

2009-01-16T22:47:00.002+08:00

I think I just became the joke of the day for happily going up the bus that goes the wrong direction

And everybody's like doing some signs or such but I thought: Okay, I shall wave back and say bye

Hahaha bloody loser with no sense of direction -.-

Had some emo talk just now.

What the fuck is wrong with the world now?

Damn damn damn damn damn.

Overreacting.

I'm not even the victim but DAMNIT I feel damn angry.

Whywhywhywhywhy did this fucking happen omg I can't help but to discriminate you seriously.

& WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY

FRIENDS = GENUINELY CARE FOR EACH OTHER, NO?

Wtf is with the sarcasm and hiding and everything?

*GULPS MOUTHFUL OF LIANGTEH*

Okay chill.

Decoders I think you guys are smart enough to decode yourself.

SFTW BARBIE DOLL GANGZ

(Can ask me for answer if you are too stupid to decode this hahaha)

Sidenote: May we unite and siol the lump down lmao

I Huff, I Puff & I Blow Your House Down

2009-01-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

Malfunctioning brain

Cheers for every sneeze

Soaked tissues

Twitching flaps

Icy cold fingers

Shivers in the blanket

New Year equals bonus equals happy family especially me

Hi Ele(s) Hi tomyum Hi chatuchak! heeeeehawww

But hello, Inspiration?

Lost

2009-01-12T01:53:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, its better not seeing things that's deliberately kept from you

Sometimes, its better to back yourself out of something you thought was the world

Maybe it wasn't as strong as I thought

Like ripping you from inside out

And sewing it back when it feels like it

Why.

One fucking loser

Living Nightmare

2009-01-08T22:55:00.002+08:00

I've never dreaded school as much as I do now

PComD is such a chore

I thought Design's supposed to be just designing?

To hell with those compo/essay/presentation shit

Everybody's talking about the release of Os results

It seems like just a few months back when I felt the anxiety

We sat in the hall for the bloody long speech which seemed to last forever

We were jaw-dropping when Yihao the mushroom was announced top few

Queueing for damn long (thanks to my surname) while others cry/rejoice

Mental block and being unable to count

And I cried. I bloody cried. Why did I, You. Bloody stupid Rach.

Time flies like nobody's business

2 years from now, I'll be done with school

Yet I don't have the slightest idea of what am I gonna do with my life after I leave TP

Holy shit

I think the recent writing of resumes and shit got me worrying for my future

But how, not to, when your whole bloody resume is bloody empty with no achievements no nothing?

Well done Rach.

The art of Subconscious Illusion

Past Tense The Future

2009-01-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

Its been a long battle,

Aches everyone to see what it got you into.

The determination and will.

We hope you'll be happier, in a better new place.

Some things, words can't explain.

Its scary how illnesses find their way

Life's vulnerable like this

We're Such Fools, We Can't See

2009-01-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

Spent the day at home clearing away gazillons of old books, old clothes and bags

The amount of bags in the house is just.. Stacking like some mountain

Throw throw throw everything like free

Amazing how a small room can fit all these shit in

I'm feeling less wishful of shifting house now

So yeah, packing was quite fun cause its like some lost and found

I found money in random bags and stupid notes I wrote in the past

Maybe I should burn those notes and everything plus the conversation away like those people do in dramas hahaha

Ahwell good riddance anyway

I'm promising myself to start the year without any of those shit so heeeehaww!

I have an urge so strong to go shop like now and forever

Have to shop for CNY because it'll probably be a stay-in-singapore year this time

Thanks to all the riots _l_

So, have to shop like now cause I'm very sure school's gonna be such pain the the neck/ass wherever and have no mercy on me once it starts, needless to say, having any time to shop

Okay whine and whine like old lady

Need to shop need to chop hair need to shop need to chop hair need to chop hair need to shop need to chop hair need to chop hair need to shop need to chop hair need to chop hair need to shop need to chop hair need to chop hair need to shop need to chop hair WYR LETS GOGOGO!

End To This Misery

2008-12-31T11:59:00.000+08:00

For the last day of the year, I'll wish damn hard for a better year ahead.

08's been a bloody torture for me I'd say.

Contradicting cos' its eventful, yet much unexciting

Eventful because

I worked my ass away at the start of the year,

Visited Beijing and tasted their beijing duckduckduck,

Shocked the shit outta myself with Os results,

Got into what I thought was my dream course then,

Met friends,

Lost friends,

Lost someone dear,

Slogged the shit outta myself every single day of school,

Saw the ugly truth of human,

Doubted myself constantly about the path I chose,

Got demoralized as frequent as I shit,

Learnt many new stuffs like photog & illust,

Discover many corners of this island,

Went A7X concert which is the first fucking concert in my life

and

Started worrying alotalotalot for all the shit in the fucked up thing called home

Yet I'm thankful for whatever 08' left me with,

Friends, family, and bittersweet memories

2nd Damai Chalet of the year

E3 Clique

First time ever sheesha-ing -.-

Xmas with the

BIGBIGBIG Damai gang

(which takes forever to travel to another destination,

forever late, forever funny, forever heart warming)

& lastly,

A super kiasu class

(which left me in a love/hate relationship)

08' haven't been nice to me.

Days I'm truly happy are so freakin short-lived I can count them in 5 fingers

09 better be a nice year, I hope.

For both myself, friends and I wish with all my life, the family.

Swallowing Light

2008-12-25T22:16:00.001+08:00

Memorable christmas with the big company of friends

Night picnic at Vivo

With disgusting chicken

I hate meat I hate meat I hate meat

Gifts exchange among 20 people

I gave 10 onedollar coins and a nonsense note placed in a fragile snowman

Junjie the lucky got my gift lol

I got a water dispenser from Ruiheng

After that was rushing to Henderson wave and missing the time for countdown

Supposingly a nice place but we created a whole lot of mess and noise

Sleeping/cocking till next morning

& Persuading Yihao the mushroom to give up on watching sunrise

Spent christmas day sleeping away at home

I almost freaking fall off the bed from the upper deck cause apparently,

my sis was dead asleep on my bed when I reached home so I have to take the upper deck

So when I woke up I put my legs outta the bed and OMG amazing stunt -.-

Okay time to get my ass started on clearing of clothes

Time to shop for cny clothes woohooo

Anyway I just remembered that

School is starting school is starting

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

Mail To Self

2008-12-22T00:02:00.005+08:00

You'll be fine tomorrow,

Everything's gonna be on track,

Everything's gonna be like how you used to proudly tell.

We all know life's never a bed of roses,

We all know you've been trying.

Sometimes when everything's so tight up,

Take a step back and look at the picture again

What you see might be a whole lot more.

Life's not about the destination

Cause we all know death is the answer

Life's about the experience

And how we piece ourselves back together after each fall

The 3 things people value most in their lives,

Love, Family and Friends

Now ask yourself, what about you?

Family is no longer something familiar to you anymore I suppose

Home had long become just a shelter and place to put up with in the night

Love isn't getting you anywhere but I'm glad you're picking up

It takes so much but you know you got to

Stop upsetting yourself with matters that'll never be possible

Things might be better if you could be bothered less

Stop hiding everything in you

Where's the old self where you'll pour everything?

Tomorrow will be a better day,

Tomorrow will be a better day

Too Much To Handle

2008-12-20T16:14:00.002+08:00

A day when everything came crashing all at once

I hate you for what you've done

I hate you for doing this to us, to mom

I fucking fucking hate you.

I'm no longer the little kid you fool easily

There's no way you can turn this back

I just hate you, I really do

I hate you for bringing me to this fucking world

I hate you for hating me

And to the other you that I've been escaping,

I wished I was blind so I wouldn't see what I saw

I didn't want it this way

I need to escape

But no one would stop by to listen

Can't Make Up The Words

2008-12-15T21:51:00.004+08:00

Why must it be me?

So fucking painful

Two-Faced Creatures

2008-11-27T00:15:00.002+08:00

The house is exceptionally quiet today.

Sis is away, leaving me and a room of excessive stuffed toys.

I never got a chance to slow down my pace eversince the new block started.

Everything's moving too fast for me.

Am very sick and tired of school, now.

Everyday I have to worry about deadlines and submissions,

Everyday I have to cram my brain with new stuff,

Everyday I have to drain my brain for new ideas.

Photog class is nonsense, really.

I realise I lost all my dreams and aspirations after I joined Design.

Its like a big vacuum, which sucked away all my confidence and left me hanging.

Life's always about contradiction.

This block really brought me on a roller coaster ride.

This block, I thought I was glad that I did not pick business when I'm having marketing class.

This block, I thought that photography is about free expressions in my own perception.

This block, I thought that my friends are here to stay.

Yet this block,

I realised numbers and statistics kind of secures your future.

I realised that photog is nothing but bullshit because I couldn't do anything I like.

I realised, humans are all selfish and complicated creatures.

Maybe, I've been struggling too hard in somewhere I don't belong, all along.

Shadows Fill An Empty Heart

2008-11-21T22:48:00.002+08:00

Busy bee.

This block's quite interesting though. I've got interesting lecturers for both modules.

Photography's fun. The snap snap sound of the shutter is damn addictive.

I feel like a paparazzi carrying the bigass thrashbag-like camera bag around everyday.

Matthias is one interesting guy. Photojournalism seems fun.

But considering the fact that he almost died like sooo many times..

I don't think I have such ballz man.

Marketing's killer though. Lecturer's damn bimbotic but funny shit.

I really thank whoever's up there that I didn't choose business.

I think I'll probably dropout of school by now if that were to happen.

Stars, cow, dog, question marks? Madness.

Braces' pissing me off. I can't chew. Like really can't.

I've got like some fake tooth thing now.

Another surgery next month.

Screw you teeth. Screw you gums.

Two years is a long way..

Okay whine and whine. Whiny old woman.

Time to get started with my brainstorming.

I'm craving for Ben&jerry's cookie dough.

We Dance We Cry We Steal Things

2008-11-16T22:58:00.002+08:00

Poor rabbit I bet he/she felt so sexually harassed by the mushroom

I think I'm some ultimate stalker with special ability to stalk the weirdest people.

I'm not sick or anything please its just the power of the net. PLUS,

Curiosity kills the cat so obviously I'm gonna be curious and kill the entire cat clan, right?

Hahaha what bullshit

I think I'm a real alien. Like alien alien.

The weirdest things never fail to happen to me.

This is madness it is driving me insane

Unwanted Clemency

2008-11-15T23:41:00.002+08:00

Haven't been here for long.

Finally the block's over which means I can catch a breath of fresh air and when I say a breath, I mean a really big one that's gonna last me for a month at least. I never felt happier than this eversince the holidays kissed goodbye to me.

This month was shit. Totally. Because, *inhale a whole lot of air*

Like sleeping an average of 4hours everyday, reach home bathe eat and glue myself to the laptop, catch some sleep wake up at 9 continue doing work leave for school head to Xorex spend a bomb there go to class and getting pissed because lecturer pushed back deadline, walk around abit and go for leadership class, countdown to 9 and the cycle repeats.

Anyway! Yesterday's 14th. The 17th 14th for me. Okay this is confusing.

I wanna thank the wonderful buncha people who wished me/made the effort to come down for the so-called celebration

Yan for being the first to wish at 11:59 (cause she was too kan chiong) & for organizing everything

Best for the photo thing and touching note which everyone else read

Keith for calling, plus the orange daisy

Lix for attempting to sing a birthday song in class for me (thank god she failed)

List goes on.

First few hours of the birthday was spent staying up and rushing assignment. Next few hours was spent in school printing and everything. After that was celebration with the family. Then celebration with E3 clique.

Today was spent with (still) Damai peeps

Picnic plan failed because of the Damai tradition which is to drag and drag and drag so we went to Pool

K I can't pool for nuts. More like being the clown of the day.

So the rest came and watched Madagascar (K however you pronounce that thing)

Cartoon movies are the best okay. Like seriously.

Think happy feet, slaps self.

Sigh. Monday's waving to me

9am classes. I think I'm deadlier and deadpoop

Sometimes, I really wonder where would my hardwork bring me to.

I don't have aims which means no motivation to work hard. But I'm still working hard. K what bullshit is this I have no idea. Rach's like the weirdest alien ever. I know.

Last year's last year.

Suffocation

2008-11-05T23:28:00.003+08:00

What would you do, when life's so horrible, too horrible for you to handle?

I always thought it'll be fine when I try, give my best. But no, doesn't work this way.

I've sacrificed too much. I need space. I'm suffocating. I'm tired of trying.

I wish there's a (ctrl+z) option for life. I want to surrender, already.

Life Support System

2008-10-30T01:18:00.003+08:00

This space's dying,

So am I.

Life can't be any worse than this. Really.

I Recalled Your Laughter

2008-10-20T01:26:00.003+08:00

You fall in and out so fast I couldn't catch up.

Can't Fool The World

2008-10-18T18:45:00.013+08:00

Long long ago.

I can't remember when, I think wednesday? Was an Artsy Fartsy day.

Went Biennale with Lix the bird heeeehaw

Swing made outta light tubes

Anywayz I shall just pick some random ones or not I'll just get too irritated and give up posting

Kids' Artworks.

This year they had a section for kids. They had doodle rooms and games rooms whatever so yeah obviously Lix & I went in the doodle room to doodle some shit hahaha.

I think the blue thing looks like bomberman

Disgusting maggotz that leads up the stairs into the room

Amazing flowers made outta amazing steel

Steel lei steel I repeat. Crazy fella man imagine the whole ground is filled with these flowers. I think he took like years to finish? -_-

Look what we saw

Google earth's map of Singapore

We're given labels to paste on wherever you stay/school blah blah

Found TP and someone drew mushroom -_-

I wrote I Y TP Design

which is very very untrue now since the bloody timetable is out

Stills of sorta like music video carved outta wood

There's alot alot. Another siao peh I suppose

So we trained to Bugis cause we thought South Beach is damn far according to the map.

But turn out to be a few streets away -_-

Laokok building. Like those standard rundown places photographers always go for photos lol.

By some despo artist I suppose

Made outta weird things like teletubbies, oven, baskets, toys blah blah.

Dolls are the most disgusting things ever. Serious.

I love this artwork the most

2 hair salons which are arranged as reflections of each other

FROLICK!

In the midst of our desperate attempt to the flyers

Apparently the tix stated the flyers, so we stupidly thought that there's some exhibit there.

But when we finally (finally as in really, finally) got threre, we realised that its some stupid audio thing and we had to pay like 20bux extra to get up the flyers and listen to it -_-

Obviously, we didn't.

Headed to some clifford pier or some shit but only to realize that its the building that they are constructing which is part of the Biennale so all we could see is cranes, metal rods, cement, and.. Banggggg (ahem) lazzz and breathe in dust.

Almost dead by then so we went starbux. I think that's the nicest starbux I ever went.

Noooo school's starting.

Sighhhhh

I pray damn hard that I get nice classmates

(although I suck at making friends)

I pray damn hard leadership's gonna be okay

(although its highly impossible)

I pray damn hard I don't get biased lecturers

(although I already got to know of one potential biased one. zz)

I pray damn hard I'm gonna survive through painting

(although its quite unlikely)

Whenever his head dipped close to hear what I was saying

Worlds That Don't Belong

2008-10-16T11:37:00.001+08:00

Need to Rant

Timetable's bloody out and I got some bloody leadership thing for the bloody CDS wtf leadership is bloody stupid Guides gave enough tortures and I'm bloody afraid of leadership already I hereby pray bloody hard that the bloody CDS doesn't require us to bloody lead any shit or I think I'll bloody die a bloody horrible death.

First block's the worst. I'll be having the worst times of school life I bet. Wtf is with a 3pm-9pm timetable? Sigh x 100000000000000000

Good thing's that I have 2 modules in the same class with Wuyanrong & Yaplixiang

May the happy-three(art)friends unite again -_-

(/rant)

As Wild As Elephant's Child

2008-10-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

When you try so hard to amuse yourself..

Today's kinda like a fruitful day.

Or more like being stuck together with Mum for the whole day

Grocery shopping, stocking up of snacks, library for crafts book, baking of cake , packing of room, treasure hunting for fabric in the house...

Its like a combo of carrying out all the motherly stuff.

I thank god/heaven/sky/cloud/rainbow/angels/fairygodmama (because I have no idea who made humans the way they are or decide wherever they end up) for the best Mama heheheheheh.

Horror On TV

2008-10-14T01:01:00.005+08:00

Ju-on in the house(?)

Annabanana told me about this and I think its quite cool so I guess it somehow explains the irrelevant picture.

( I swear I miss my fringe & am ): x 1000000 )

Today ( or rather, yesterday ) was dayout with E3 clique.

Finally got outta the cave its been donkey years since I went out. Okay not actually. Maybe like, 3days?

Anyway. I still can't make peace with the stupid old man so whoever commented on the post please stop telling me its for my own good that he is doing all these shit to me. I mean, I know how to think too. But by locking me out of the house? For my own good? Maybe to you it is for your own good but definitely not me.

I have no clue who you are but I'm just gonna speak my mind so if you think you can't take it please just quit reading.

Firstly, I don't know who you are/how old are you so if you are like 12/13/14 its obvious your parents are strict?

Second. You are okay with how your parents are treating you and you do not want to fight for your rights thats pretty much of your own problem & please stop telling me what to do because ONLY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON.

& finally, no matter what the shit that old man did to me I still respect him what. Its not like I went up to him and tell him to shutup and stay out of my affairs or anything I just need to vent my frustrations on MY BLOG, got problem?

Please stop trying to get onto my nerves you prick.

( K awhile ago I was thinking what if I knew you in person cause it'll be damn awkward if I do and to post this. But the more you said the more dl I get so yes this is for you I hope it is enough to stuff your mouth)

Anyway, WYR's best at bringing me surprises hahaha.

The Touch, Too Much To Heal

2008-10-12T22:55:00.003+08:00

Human emotions are the toughest thing on Earth.

Sometimes, I'd rather be a robot.

Screwed Up World

2008-10-10T22:36:00.002+08:00

Where you end up isn't the most important thing.
It's the road you take to get there.
The road you take is what you'll look back on and call your life.
-Tim Wiley

Still, life's like a pile of shit.

Sleep Through Forever

2008-10-09T22:25:00.003+08:00

Locked outside of the house for the night.

There's so much, so much running through my mind.

I don't feel like I'm part of this place.

Forever made the blacksheep.

Forever a prick in your eyes.

What did I do, to deserve these.

Through the seventeen years, I've been putting up with.

I always try to obey, try to please.

I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near perfection,

But I'd proudly say, I've been trying my best.

I've always been studying like you wanted me to.

I never, never ever gave you problems at school.

I make effort to study but all you did was to assume I was out playing.

You want me to do well so bad for one reason,

So you can be proud and save your fucking face infront of your fucking friends

All you knew cared about is yourself, you selfish fuck.

Now I'm older, things never got any better.

I doubt you know what course I'm in.

Even if you do,

I doubt you'll ever tell anyone what course I'm in.

Design is shit in your eyes.

I know you hate me for not doing business.

I know you think I'll never make it in design.

You think I skip school.

Fact is, I never did.

You think I don't take school seriously.

I put in effort for all my work, and three fucks for you accusing me.

You're supposing you'll bring me down this time.

But no, hell no.

All you're doing are just making yourself seem more like a loser.

Money doesn't solve everything, or anything in this case.

Honestly, I don't bother.

Actually I'm hoping you'll find your way here,

Realize how much you disgusted me.

I'm sorry but the sight of you irks the shit out of me.

I guess, I'm really hating you.

Love Is Dead

2008-10-06T22:30:00.007+08:00

Sleeping marathons are the best thing you can do at home. Really.

I realized I picked up the habit of accumulative sleeping (haha what a term). Okay I meant, suffering insomnia for a period of time and getting into sleeping marathons after. I think my body system's super screwed and at this rate I might die at like 40? Oh-wow.

"What you seen so far are just the pleasant fronts you're tricked into.
As time passes, the ugliest sight of him surfaces and you'll realize,
He isn't anyone like the one you thought he was after all."

Can't Erase

2008-10-02T22:18:00.007+08:00

People are trying to decode me.

Ana and I going into a decoding game?

Hahaha w.t.s

I meant what the shit.

Yawns. WYR having time of her life. Bloody Redang looks so bloody fun but I didn't bloody go I don't bloody know why did I bloody not go but I think its because I can't bloody swim and might just bloody die in the bloody sea and feed the bloody sharks and you guys shall see my bloody corpse at my bloody songka

See I love blood so bloody much I lust for blood but no my bloody msn nick doesn't bloody make any sense most of the bloody times its just like how the bloody jackpot works so when something bloody comes across my bloody mind I just bloody use it as my bloody nick

Sidetrack:

I just tried to decode Ana. EY I WAS ALMOST THERE K. But she cheated using singlish cheat cheat cheatttttt. Hahaha two crazy women playing decoding game. AACC youuuuu eeeeeeedeeeeeot. Fyi AACC is Ana's full name LAH. (Right, Ang Ching Ching?)

Anyway. So. Hmm. Okay. Yesterday.

Yesterday was dayout with ACC and Ferrrrrrrlicia moo moo moo. Moo moo eat grass grass eat moo. Waited for Ferlicia for damn damn long we nuaed/rotted/decayed at some random area with greentea frap (L), filled up Moo's birthday card and watched bang(ahem)las happily snapping away at ugly backgrounds until Moo's finally here.

Ate at Changing Appetite and I think the portion is so damn big. Pok pok pok pok ribs heehaww all-time favourite. Almost bursted (okay is there such word even) sharing a set with Ana but Moo finished a set alone amazingly. Mudpie was omg damn cool Frankenstein(?) most importantly it was mint and I kinda (L) mint so..

Oh FYI, my shampoo's mint too. Smells very minty which I (L).

Caught Eagle Eye after that I think its pretty cool but Ferlicia kept falling asleep and sliding down the seat until the movie goes BOOM and she wakes again hahaha.

Ferlicia's being annoying as usual blabbering nonstop once we met and tease us as usual. She kept calling me fat and poking my fats on the way home and being a pain in the ass sttttupid moo.

So today's s.h.a.r.d. (guess guess guess highlight for answer)

STAY HOME AND ROT DAY!

I think I'm so affected by the decoding game I'm beginning to talk like an eeeeeedeeeot.

And WYR I haven't seen you in a million years. (Does not mean I miss you please don't think too much hahaha)

t.a.m.h.a.w

b.i.c.a

Soh, A Needle Pulling Thread

2008-09-30T03:32:00.000+08:00

I think I'm suffering insomnia

I can't get to sleep nowadays. It took me almost 2hours staring into nothing before I eventually fell asleep yesterday.

Anyway, notice the title.

Got mouth/teeth/gum/shit done.

Swear its damn scary to see the stitching part. Like you see the thread(?) whatever being pulled here and there, in and out and the massive blood loss through your mouth.

I had no balls to open my eyes throughout

Impromptu baking session with Ana later in the day & I'm gonna go search my book of 500 cookies recipes.

Been donkey years since I baked? No wait, rephrase. Donkey years since I baked with purpose. Not like I plan to bake for anybody or anything later but still.. K I think its getting kinda late and my brain's kinda screwed hence the nonsense.

Are we going night cycling anytime soon?

itimd.imtwyk.imtwyf.imy.

But You'd Never Speak

2008-09-28T22:35:00.003+08:00

Time's crumbling away

Many occasions remind me

Approaching, I've thought

Let it be first after suspense

I think I lost it

Or maybe not.

Arts central actually have nice movies.

I've been watching the movies on film art for a few weeks consistently.

Amazing much?

Been hogging on to Lj communities very much these days.

Being inspired by the wrong things,

Turning green with envy over some things.

No, isn't too good.

Tomorrow's the day I've been dreading, very very much.

Thinspiration(?)

Uncovered Lies, Surfaced Throughout

2008-09-26T23:28:00.005+08:00

You might want to know what scares the shit outta me:

Ailurophobia Atelophobia Atychiphobia Coulrophobia Pediophobia Gerascophobia

Philophobia (?)

Whats yours?

Too Much Mistakes Can Hurt

2008-09-25T22:12:00.002+08:00

What went wrong this time, what did I not do right.

So, how long is this gonna take again?

I'll cut it all off, now.

Fate Misunderstood

2008-09-23T22:00:00.004+08:00

Day ruined with screwed hair. Fringe's shit.

I think I'm gonna wear a mask when I go out already.

I think I'll look better behind this

Anybody know how to make hair grow fast x 1267898765434 I think hair growth shampoo is quite bullshit because it never seem to work on me.

Sighhhhhhhh

Am very very very sad.

Fall Asleep In Denial

2008-09-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

Times like this, I wish I'll stop asking why.

Is it me or everyone does the same, wanting to find out the reason to everything, so bad?

I wished this space's able to respond to what I have to say. Or maybe, a robot friend I could tell everything to, and press the delete button after that, so nobody knows.

I wouldn't think myself as people-oriented. I never am.

I don't usually take initiative in making friends. Or worse, I don't even take initiative talking to them even after knowing them, unless till I feel quite comfortable with it.

Worse when it comes to confiding into others. I don't even need my fingers to count who I actually trust doing so. Even so, there are just so many things you can't bring yourself to tell, be it too personal or too much of excessive worry, that you won't want to bother others about.

Still, this secret I unknowingly kept to myself after so long. I don't know was it for the sake of or because somewhere under me I just hope, it'll, remain this way.

Gradually, I feel that friends are getting.. superficial? New friends, that is.

Like, they make friends with you with purpose of getting something in return, not for the sake of knowing you better or anything.

I've been telling myself, maybe I haven't met anyone who clicks just like how the old friends do. Because we have very different interests and lives, different habits, different perspective to lives and everything, everything I could think of to make myself feel its all going the right way.

But no, dosen't seem like it anymore.

Maybe, the insecurities.

Or the bubble I've yet to burst out from

But We're Never Coming Back, Ever Again

2008-09-19T23:48:00.007+08:00

Super super ones :-)

Was trying to find photo with those 2 up there, but only ended up with this. Not exactly, with Keith's head behind.

(I admit I cheated k I was tiptoe-ing, hence the height..)

Out with those two for the day. Main point was to get tix tix tixxxxxxx :O!

Anyway,

Fashion blogs are the best damn way to kill time.

Agyness Deyn

Aspiration aspiration aspiration aspiration aspiration

So Much It Kills

2008-09-18T17:48:00.002+08:00

Imagine, life with such horror, in somewhere you call the safest -home.

Everyday everyone changes their mood according to his, give in every single shit, no matter reasonable, or not. Or I'd say, he's never a person who believes in reasoning. Everything to be worked out in his way, with his fkin hugeass ego or whatnot, thats wrong up there in his old rusty brain.

Everytime anything happens, my fault or not, I land into deepest shit.

I long knew, this happiness doesn't last forever. Like the family warmth, when it gets too warm, it just got to become all cold and strange, all of a sudden. Everytime it works like this. After a war breakout, become very nice and warm and make you think you're so damn fortunate it such family, but something got to happen, and war again. The cycle repeats. For many years now, eversince I could be bothered with such matters, in my close to seventeen years of living.

Who wouldn't be sick and tired of this?

Because he provides for the whole family, he thinks he's the king. But no, definitely not the case. Too many things, money can't buy. I really hate how it feels when he thinks everyone thinks nothing but of his money.

Everytime you'll say, its not fair being the father. Everyone will eventually be parents of others and have to provide for them, no?

I'm sick of this shit. Really really sick. I hope part of his bigass ego gets eaten up someday, someday soon.

I wish I could be the one,

The one who wouldn't care at all.

Break free.

Happy Tree Friends

2008-09-17T22:47:00.002+08:00

Today is a bad day. When I say bad, its really damn bad. (Though the only good thing is that today marks the start of holidays)

Post below gonna be full of shit. Like nothing but rants and more rants.

Point is, I never liked Cheenapoks. Lets call them CP for short.

And like everyone know, they are gradually invading our small island. Like everywhere you go, you hear their presence which annoys the shit outta me. Not only that, they are so bloody polite and enthusiastic about boarding buses and trains. (Yes, get the drift)

But however annoying they can get, I TRIED TO SUPPRESS MY ANNOYANCE, all along. But NO, not this time. They should thank their own people for screwing up their own reputation.

So, not-so-pleasant morning today. Dragged myself outta bed and got to Lix's place to do the never ending pile of shit which is due later in the day. Rushing everything while I received a call from Godma.

Godma is damn kanchiong and started blabbering on the phone saying something like sis called her and cried for help, saying theres alot of blood, people fighting, she's damn scared, save her. So this CP guy took over the phone and said my sis is in their hands now, warn godma not to call police and such.

Cousin took over the phone and tried to drag time by cocking with that CP. Bloody bastard wanted don't-know-how-much as ransom. Godma's suspecting something's wrong so she tried to reach my mum. But apparently my mum was out and forgot her phone, so she called me.

Anyway, I panic like shit, heart almost jump out and stuff but still, managed to go online to check for sis' school's number and called up the school. The first thing I asked was damn stupid. "Is Regin in school now?" What a question. The office people kept asking why why why this and that I felt like stuffing shoes into her mouth and ask her to get sis on the phone. Ended up ask me to call this extension that extension asked for my name number and everything else before I finally got to talk to sis.

I was like WALAO EVERYBODY SO WORRIED OVER YOU YOU KNOW. But of course, she knew nothing but question marks. Obviously the bloody CP guy was a con. But he just wouldn't concede defeat. He went on threatening Godma that he'll make sure he get us into trouble because he knows where we stay.

So yes. Aftermath was sufferable. Dad got real furious. Mum became punching bag. Sis deprived of freedom. Dads are forever unreasonable.

For the first time, it seems like I'm in the safest position now. And no, I'm not gonna let dad know I'm having my holidays now incase he reinforces his gates and deprive me of freedom too.

I hope the CP dies a horrible death. I'll make sure I'll hammer him in his XXX and leave it hanging there. Getting it off all at once is too less of a torture. I'll make him lie on the expressway and get his body run over by the millions of vehicles that are gonna go over him. And of course, throw him to the lions and reward them a feast.

So now, see why I titled this post Happy tree friends?